A Cyclonian Pondering
by abrb
Summary: Yeah, the title sucks. These are the written thoughts and worries of a certain Cyclonian we all know and love. Yeah, I know the summary sucks too T-T
1. Chapter 1

Have you ever felt that you weren't, well, human anymore? I've killed so many, including those who once called themselves my friends. Yet, I don't think I would take any of it back. Don't you think it strange then that I fear I've lost my humanity? Well, you wouldn't, if you knew why I thought it had all been justified; why I hoped that I was still human.

The reason is her. I have no regrets, because everything has led me to her. I'd do anything for her, including killing myself, if she asked, but I'm afraid. Is this real? How can a person with no soul love? You see, that is why I fear I have no more sympathy. My feelings for her cannot be real if I have none, and I desperately want this to be real.

No one would believe me at this point. How could a murderer so evil love or fear not being able to love? I know it sounds ridiculous; I'm not stupid. However, if you think about it, it is not so strange. I am very emotional; you have seen this with my temper. I am ruled by my passions (Would you believe that it was an argument that caused me to stab my friend through the chest?). Yet, anger is not my only sentiment. I am also fueled by resentment, jealousy, fear, and love. I killed my friend out of rage, I killed the rest of them out of fear they would kill me, I betrayed the council out of resentment for how quick they were to judge me, I stayed in Cyclonia out of fear of being killed, and now I stay out of what I hope is love for her. So, you see, I am not so evil, just a slave to my emotions.

That is why I am questioning myself now. I am afraid I cannot love her. I am afraid I am no longer human. I'm just a coward in the end I guess, for thinking is the only way I'm brave enough to try and solve this. There are other ways, such as seeing if I can help someone, but she will never love me if I was that way. She'd turn me out of Cyclonia now if she found out. At least, that's what I'm afraid will happen, so I guess there is no other way to find my answer than sitting here and pondering it.

I already knew all that. I guess writing it down didn't help at all.

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_Well, what did you guy's think? It's a Dark Ace fanfic obviously, but I'll let you all guess who the girl is. However, if you don't know, I gotta admit that you're stupid._

_This is just a test. I have an idea to continue it, but you all will have to review it if you want me to. Plus, you get an imaginary cookie if you review too! -_


	2. Chapter 2

_Yay! Peeps reviewed! Danke to all my reviewers, and as I promised, I send you all imaginary cookies._

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I have to say, today has been interesting. It is hard to believe that a group of children is going around calling themselves the Storm Hawks. I personally am insulted. Though, admittedly, I was barely more than a child when I became the co-pilot to the Storm Hawks' leader. However, I had twice the skill that those children claim. The Sky Knight, Aerrow, was easy to defeat. Thought, something about him seems familiar.

That however is unimportant at the moment. The woman I had adored for quite a while is about to become the most powerful human in all Atmos. I retrieved for her the Aurora Stone, and it shall fuel her Storm Engine. Take also into consideration that she is not much older than those children of the Storm Hawks, and it has to be said that she is a most impressive woman. It is one of the reasons that I l-

There is that topic again. I still have not determined an answer, nor do I see one soon. It is a difficult topic, especially when considering our differences. I am fueled by emotions, yet there are times that I doubt she has any beside anger and determination. She, admittedly, is more intelligent than I, yet I doubt she would last five minutes in a fight without her crystals. There is also the fact that I am nearly twice her age. Yet, those differences fade out of my mind when I see her, and there is no greater thought in my mind in those moments than to please her, to serve her.

I have yet to also come to a conclusion on my humanity. One has to wonder—

This is where I must leave off for now. Sky Knights approach the castle, and I wonder how they will feel when they are defeated by their own crystal.

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_This is even shorter than the first one! Oh well, that's how it goes. Anyway, what do you all think so far? It's probably not what you expected, and for those who couldn't tell by now, the story is set before and during both parts of 'The Age of Heroes' episode. Hopefully you can all tell who the woman is now too. If not, you need serious help._

_PLEASE REVIEW!!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Righty-roo, let's get started shall we? Despite what some of you might be hoping for, this shall be the last chapter. I'm glad you all could tell who the woman is, and I'm more than grateful for all your positive reviews. Okay, I'll start with the writing then, but it might take a while, 'cause my cat is annoying me!! He is a most persistent furball. XD_

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I. Am. Not. Happy. Though, that can probably be told from the multiple slashes and scorches marking the remains of my room. However, for ranting's sake, I will repeat it. I. AM. NOT HAPPY!!

That damn _child_ defeated me, the empire, and…and he beat her! He ruined my perfect record and her plans. Not to mention the fact that he destroyed the castle, and my good mood. That's right; I was actually in a good mood. I defeated those pathetic Sky Knights with one blow, and she was about to realize her dreams. That would have made her happy, and I so wanted to see her happy.

Strangely, however, my master was not mad. In fact, she was…smiling. It was hard to believe, yet the event that happened before then might have impacted her I had saved her. I jumped in to protect her from her sure death. I didn't know whether I would live or die, but I did it anyway. I don't know whether or not that had helped her mood, but, it helped me.

While I am still extremely angry and upset, part of me cannot help but feel satisfied. I have finally settled the question of my humanity, and I know my true feelings for the girl. If I had not loved her, then I would not have risked my life to save her. Therefore, if I did not love her, I would not be human. I cannot help but say that I am rather relieved, despite how horrible the rest of this retched day has been.

With the conflicting thoughts in my head, I have however determined to stop writing in this blasted thing. I started to clear my head on whether or not I was still human, and I have my answer now. No longer will I have to question, for I know the answer. I will just continue to admire her (Do you honestly think that I could tell her how I feel?) as her servant, her follower, her savior, and, hopefully one day, her only friend.

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_I know the ending is cheesy, but I like it. So ya'll just have to deal with it. Anyway, if you like it, or hate it, PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME SO!! I honestly want your guys' opinions. I kinda want a career in writing, but I can't do that if I'm not good enough, and I can't improve if no one tells me how my writing is! Anyway (I say that a lot don't I?), LIVE LONG AND PROSPER LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! ABRB HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!_


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